They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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