How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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