Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
