the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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