Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
