The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
