the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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