Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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