some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
