My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You pole danced in your parka.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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