trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
