I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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