This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
