Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
