By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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