Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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