I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
