All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
