he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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