sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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