Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize