o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
