I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
