I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
