saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Someone shit on the floor
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
