Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
