nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
