My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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