dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize