i already hear my dad disowning me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
