i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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