I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
