for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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