My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
