She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
