i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
