I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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