K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
wrigley field is MILF paradise
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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