I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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