that's an acceptable place to lick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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