I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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