Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
