Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
