We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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