Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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