I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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