DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
