Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
