I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
