The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
