uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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