Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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