what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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