Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
