Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
