the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
