Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Acid is not a monday night drug
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
