Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Everyone says I win the strip club
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
