I have demons in me.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
