Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
