dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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