yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
