why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
