my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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