I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
