Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
