Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So many bounce houses so little time
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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