Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
