Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
