Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
